ROTTEN LUNCHBOX


My three boys all attend the same school, and we’ve gotten the weekly routine down pretty well. On some days they ride the bus, some days they’re picked up, some days they eat school lunch, and some days they pack a lunch, and so on. Each of them has their own lunchbox, and depending on what is on the lunch menu will determine if they bring a lunch or not.

At some point earlier this school year, we signed them up for a program in which they can use the school lunch every day, saving on groceries and prep time and such. It was a seamless transition, or so we thought.

I get home one afternoon and my wife has the “I have something to tell you” look on her face. That usually means either I’ve forgotten to do something, she’s spent money or is telling me to spend money, or in this case, one or more of the kids got in trouble at school.

***sigh*** Which one?

Elliott.

What did he do?

It’s what he DIDN’T do.

My wife had received an email from the 3rd grade teacher. Apparently somewhere in the lunch transition, which was MONTHS ago, Elliott had inadvertently brought a lunch to school, only to leave it in his locker because he ate the school lunch instead. That lunchbox has been at the bottom of his locker for MONTHS, unopened. During a periodic emptying and cleaning of the lockers, it was discovered and unfortunately opened. I imagine a scene from INDIANA JONES when all of the pressure and evils come screaming out of the tomb, like an archaeology dig site. That’s what goes through my head. The lunch that was in there appeared to at one time be macaroni and cheese… but in the MONTHS it sat in there, it had sprouted limbs and hair and seemed very angry. Within seconds of being opened, the lunchbox emits a funk that rolled down the line of lockers like a fog. The teacher went on to say that it made the entire hallway unbearable… so much so, that there were actual discussions on evacuating that wing of the school.

So not a day or two later, my wife and I have to go to the school for parent-teacher conferences. To make amends, we had sent Elliott to school with some air freshener, in hopes of helping with the lingering smell. We no sooner enter the school than we come across a handful of teachers huddled around, talking about this very incident. I immediately pretended to roll my eyes and act surprised that any parent would be so negligent in their parental duties. Unfortunately, my wife knows all of the faculty, is far more honest than me, and ratted me out. Not cool.